You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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