and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
