Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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