I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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