she was so not down for the gang bang
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
