remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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