Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
