Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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