I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
