you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize