Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
