fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Randomize
