She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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