My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
