I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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