i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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