you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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