I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
