im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
