Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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