you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
