You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
