If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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