so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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