During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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