If i come over, it means nothing
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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