Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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