so explain again why im purple
no
I didn't shave. On purpose
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have feelings that need drinking.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
