We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It's like God shit irony all over that family
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
