That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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