Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
