If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
