youre lurking in front of me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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