Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
