if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
