Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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