whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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