I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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