my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
