I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
