Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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