I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
