Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
