There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
