if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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