Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
