he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
