whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think I just sharted jello shots
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