Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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