He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
