whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's rum buckets o'clock
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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