I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
50% drunk capacity currently
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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