Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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