And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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