If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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