he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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