the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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