I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize