i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
