i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
