are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
