Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
