and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
