y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
