i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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