I didn't shave. On purpose
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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