At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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