He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
