God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
