Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize