It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
