i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
