You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
