textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
