omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
