All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
