Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
