My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
