and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize