Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
