I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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