We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
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