Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog

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(860): View more from Connecticut

So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun

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(806): View more from Texas

Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.

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(+61): View more from Australia

She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy

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(309): View more from Illinois

She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"

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(612): View more from Minnesota

She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.

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(517): View more from Michigan

when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way

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