I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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