brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize