It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
