I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
