i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
