I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
