Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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