You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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