Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
