I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
