You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
