The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
