Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
